23 Apr The Importance of An Understanding Spouse
By Dain Soppelsa
It takes a group effort to be a competitive powerlifter. At first glance, you might think that it’s just about the lifter. People say it isn’t a team sport, right? Well I’m here to tell you that it takes many people to help get you to the platform on competition day. I have always had a great support system, but if I’m being honest I have taken it for granted at times in the past. It really makes you think after talking with people that don’t have that great, non-wavering support system. It really makes you appreciate all the work your family, friends and training partners do to get you ready for a competition, but in my opinion, it’s the spouses that are the most valuable and often under appreciated.
 [wa-wps]
I’ll admit it. I know I’m hard to deal with at times. Both when I’m preparing for a meet and even sometimes when I’m not. I can be selfish in my endeavors, especially when it comes to powerlifting. I don’t always think about all the work that has to be done while I’m at the gym training. Someone has to pick up the slack at home with the kids and dinner. My wife, Margaret, has done these things for 15 years now. When I think about what that has entailed over the course of our relationship, it is kid of mind-boggling. All the hours I’ve spent at the gym, or at meets. She has hardly ever complained and if she did, I had usually stepped over a line. She knows just how much I want to succeed and she loves me. Because of this, she does what she has to do to help me put myself in a position to have that success.
Sometimes I wonder if the roles were reversed, if I would be as accommodating. I hope I would and I know I would definitely do my best to pick up the same slack that my wife picks up on a regular basis. She works all day, she comes home and takes over with our daughters, so I can go to the gym and train. Then while I’m gone, she bathes the girls, makes dinner for us and makes lunches for herself and my 5 year old for the following day. Even now, as I’m typing this, it sounds overwhelming. She does all this so I can devote myself to a hobby. It’s crazy when you think about it. I try to do my best to give her time to herself when she needs it, but I know it doesn’t even us up. She definitely deserves more.
I often over hear lifters talking about how their significant others are less than supportive in their powerlifting endeavors. They say that it costs too much money, it takes too much time away from them, and it’s basically an all-around inconvenience. It’s these times that I realize just how good I have it. I don’t even have to think about my wife being upset with me when I’m doing what I do because I know better. She’s always been supportive, so it’s never something I have to worry about. I’m grateful to able to be fully focused on what I need to do. I can see the stress that it causes people when a partner isn’t supportive of their competitive aspirations, but I also understand the reasons behind their loved ones not supporting this thing called powerlifting.
I think we as powerlifters need to be more accomodating in general to the important people in our lives. I know this applies to me too. I could absolutely do more than I do. I’m sure spouses would be more understanding if we were willing to compromise sometimes. We could move workouts around, or even skip them completely if we don’t have a contest coming up. We could go do things that we may not enjoy doing to make them happy. You know they do it for us. They sometimes stay home while we compete and make sure things don’t fall apart while we’re gone. Sometimes they go to meets that last entire days, or even entire weekends. Some of them even handle us. Â They listen to us talk about powerlifting all the time, which if you can believe it…may not be so interesting to some people.
The first time I read 10/20/Life, the part that really resonated with me was that Brian advocates shifting the primary focus away from powerlifting after competing and giving it to your significant other. It’s a sensible concept, but I guarantee you won’t see it pointed out in most programs. I know this stuck with me. It just made so much sense and so easily applied to my life. I know having an end goal for my spouse has really helped my family get through my meet preparations. It is so much easier for your spouse to know that it’s a temporary situation and things will slow down. Workouts will get shorter. My attitude will get better. We can have date nights and go on vacations. It’s a give and take and I definitely haven’t always treated it that way. Trust me when I tell you, a little bit goes a long way and we all know our spouses are probably the only people on earth that would tolerate us and this crazy obsession we have.
I think it’s important to make sure the people that support us while we’re participating in this crazy sport understand that we know just how rare of a breed they are for supporting us. It doesn’t make sense to take all their support and never give back. It isn’t fair to ask that of any person, let alone one of the people you love the most. We need to tell them that we appreciate everything they do, so they know everything they do and sacrifice for us is very much appreciated by us. If we don’t support the ones we love, then we may not have anyone when we no longer compete. Support isn’t guaranteed and people won’t stay if they don’t feel appreciated. That’s how it works. You have to give support to get it.
It’s a fact that we couldn’t do this sport without a supportive and understanding spouse. It just wouldn’t be possible for things to hold together during meet prep, especially during those last few weeks where our focus is so extreme. We don’t think about anything besides what we have been training for. Someone has to keep everything going while we aren’t contributing as much as we normally would. Our professional lives and our family lives would fall apart without our attention if we didn’t have a special person in our lives that picks up the slack and understands our mission. I know I couldn’t do any of the things that I do without the help of my wife, Margaret. I know I don’t always communicate it well, but I love her and appreciate everything she does for our family. I know I’m blessed to have the support system I have and I will not take it for granted.
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Dain Soppelsa
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